Ross Allaire

The Autobiography of Jesus X Ross Allaire

It's not what you think. Unless you think everything is wrong. Imagine if Kurt Vonnegut and Hunter S. Thompson collaborated on a new version of The Bible, and you get the gist. The Autobiography of Jesus X: a novel is not for the faint of heart, and is guaranteed to enlighten, incite laughter, and offend indiscriminately. Take political correctness and shove it. Nothing is sacred, and no holds are barred. When one thinks of Jesus, it's easy to picture a mystical, magic man. But portrayed in detail in Jesus X is the unknown human side: ecstasy and depression, trial and error, success and regret. Here is the boy that J once was, losing his virginity to a witching foreigner; and the man and prophet he became, a cynical dreadlocked pothead. But the narrator is the god he once was, now retired. After this one incarnation as a human, he quit. As God, he had become indifferent. As a tall black Jewish man with deep blue eyes and a red beard in the Roman Empire, he proved to be too smart for his own good. Or maybe just too human. He was an opium addict, and a drug dealer. He's pro-choice, and pro-gay marriage. After attempting suicide he became a prophet, stopping his own mother's execution - on charges of prostitution. Mother and son celebrated her freedom with sex, and she was healed of her MS. After Jesus dies, his ghost confers with his best friend, Lucifer, about how these disclosures might be received by his believers worldwide. Satan already knows about the book, of course. In the finale, the Holy Ghost tests and tempts his former self, showing the human Jesus some of the futures of his own suicidal legacy. He even places himself right in the middle of the World Trade Center during the terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001. He goes there. The Autobiography of Jesus X is either the new Bible or the most offensive book ever written, or both. Part fantasy, part exposé, part memoir, and part stand-up comedy routine, the narrator pretty much frames it as His last message to humanity. So you might want to listen.