Dean Burkey

Seasons Without Reason: a Collection of Humorous Short Stories Dean Burkey

Publisher Marketing: Seasons Without Reason Humorous Short Stories & Snarky Snippets From dark humor to zany, from highbrow to slapstick, author/comedian Dean Burkeycreates comical escapadeswith two dozen plus short stories/essaysstarting with the title piece about a wacky world indeedand ending with two scientists striving to discoverthe secret to comedy. Between these entertaining tales, fast-food's melodramatic, thugs peg the voice of a cartoon mouseas an informant, zombies eat bacon, Einstein offers fitness advice, a tight-rope walker in distresslearns an insightinto himself at the worst possible time, John Napier discovers the decimal point, and much more. Take a stress break, a mini-vacation;and let yourself embrace the bizarre, the comical, the wacky worlds of "Seasons Without Reason" Table of Contents "Seasons Without Reason" (A Wacky World Indeed) "Fast Food Follies" (A Heated World of Grub Gone Wild) "The Mouse that Squeaked" (Is a Certain Cartoon Mouse Really a Rat?) "Breakfast of the Living Dead" (That's One Tasty Apocalypse) "Exercise = MC2" (Albert Einstein, Fitness Guru) "Turning Point" (Updated version of the story that originally appeared in "Juggler's World") "We Get the Point!" (A Mathematician Makes His Mark in History) "Woo-Hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!" (Did Her Boyfriend Forget Her Birthday?) "Are Aliens from a Superior RaceStealing Our Laundry?" (Hey UFOs, stay Away from My Clothes!) "The Five Stages of Grieffor Burnt Waffles" (A Template for Dealing with Culinary Tragedies) "My Stolen Step-Ins" (Those Kids Made Her Go Commando) "The Twelve-Step Program forPeople with Overdue Library Books" (Every Journey Begins with the First Step) "Brat-Sitter" (Who's Really in Charge?) "How to Sell Lots and Lotsof Angel Scout Cookies" (Don't Ask Why, Just Buy Or Cry!) "Origins of Golf Lingo" (Oh, a Different Kind of Hooker) "Catch 23" (Another Catch to Add to the List) "First Fight" (A Couple Enjoys Their First Altercation) "Philosophy of Chips" (Even the Cheapest of Snacks Has Value) "You Look Tasty!" (One Man's Journey from Veganism to Cannibalism) "No Deposit, ..." (Why Don't Deserted Isles Have Desserts?) "Cannibal Conundrum" (Befriend Him? Or Fry Him?) "Seven Dozen and Three Years Ago" (President Lincoln Receives Unsolicited Comedy Advice) "Origins of Stand-Up Comedy Lingo" (Something Funny's Going On Around Here) "A Dribble GlassCan Be a Beautiful Thing" (How Classic Comedy Gags Could Have Altered History) "Art Schmart" (Work of Art? Glorified doodle? Or Worse? Much, Much Worse) "The Secret to Comedy" (Can Alec and Kirk Uncover the Secret of the Ages Before Losing Funding?) Excerpts & Snippets Zombies love bacon. They may be brain dead. But they're not stupid. Plus, with all the prowling they do; they don't need to worry about cholesterol. Weight gain is a food tax, meted out by an angry IRS agent. I feel so close; and yet, I find myself plagued by a myriad of doubts. Maybe mankind isn't meant to delineate fractions with brevity and ease. "No more daytime talk shows for you. They make you paranoid." Oddly, even his [the pastor's] sleepwear sported a white clerical collar. "It doesn't make sense. Our little town only has three thousand people. And you bought more from her than from your own grandchildren. How was she able to sell so many?" Oops! He realized that not only did he say that, but he said that too quickly. Nietzsche said, "When you look into an empty bag of chips, the empty bag of chips also looks into you." So when the chips are down, open a new bag. I knew I'd lost my mind when I munched on Morning Mist potpourri. And loved it. Never date a cannibal. When she says you should go back to her place for dessert; it's not what you think. Before you buy this book, take a Contributor Bio:  Burkey, Dean Born backwards on Christmas Eve, author/comedian Dean Burkey has always viewed the world from a different angle. A lifelong student of comedy, he finds humor in the strangest situations to create exciting and comical adventures. He enjoys performing improv comedy with the ImprovAddicts.